


Longing, She Wrote

by You_Light_The_Sky



Category: Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997)
Genre: Angst, Don't copy to another site, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Recovering from tragedy, Semi-Alternate Universe, hints of depression and ptsd, tifaweek2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:47:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24031516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/You_Light_The_Sky/pseuds/You_Light_The_Sky
Summary: AU. Tifa signs up for the military penpal program, writing letters to soldiers who don’t have any family. One day, her old childhood friend Cloud writes her back. COMPLETE.
Relationships: Tifa Lockhart/Cloud Strife
Comments: 150
Kudos: 376





	1. spring

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the prompt for day 2 of Tifa Week 2020: “Cause it’s some kind of sin to live your whole life on a might’ve been. I’m ready now.” – caution by the killers.
> 
> This is an AU where Nibelheim’s reactor exploded and killed everyone when Tifa was sixteen. Tifa was out training with Zangan so she escaped the blast. Also, Sephiroth didn’t go crazy and Shinra got taken over by Reeve so it’s not nearly as bad as it was in canon. I just wanted super self-indulgent fluff because these two deserve good things. And by fluff I mean slice of life affection with a side dish of angst and a happy ending.

** Title: Longing, She Wrote **

** Spring **

Dear Soldier,

I hope the weather is good where you are and that you’re not working too hard. I hope you’re finding little joys where you can and getting along with your troupe. If you need a friend to talk to or just want to pass the time, feel free to write to me.

Forgive me if this letter isn’t the best. My friend Aerith convinced me to sign up for this penpal system. She says I’m lonely and need someone to talk to. I’ve sent three letters already to different soldiers but none of them have replied. I don’t want to think about what that means. I’m going to hope that they just thought my letters were boring. Aerith’s had more luck, she’s already exchanged twelve letters with a SOLDIER named Zack. I think she’s smitten.

She’s convinced that since she met the one good SOLDIER working for Shinra that there must be another good person for me to write to. I want to believe that, so I’ll keep trying. Shinra must have changed for the better since Mako Day, right?

Me? I guess I don’t write very many letters because I don’t have anyone to write to anymore. My mom died when I was little and my dad… well, he’s dead too. Everyone I know is a call away in Midgar and the only boy who I ever wrote to… I’m sure he’s dead as well.

Sorry, not the best opening to convince you to write to me. I kind of stopped with the small talk letters a while ago. It gets dull writing the same introductions to people who haven’t written back.

Let’s hear about you. What’s your name? What countries have you seen? Did you always want to be in the military? I knew a boy who wanted to join SOLDIER, who wanted to be like the great Sephiroth. He promised me that he’d come back and save me whenever I’m in a bind. I asked him to. Now I feel like I should have asked him to stay. But if I did, he would have died too, I’m sure…

Do you have anyone like that? Someone who’s waiting for you at home? Are they kind? Are they beautiful? Where _is_ home for you? Not just a location, but what does home feel like for you?

I don’t have anyone like that. Or I suppose… I’m waiting for someone like that. As for my home… I’m still figuring that out.

Well, rereading this letter make me want to throw it away. But then again, it will probably go unread just like the ones addressed to the four other soldiers this company tried to assign me to so… I’ll just treat you like a diary, sound good?

Stay safe. Stay kind.

Sincerely,

Tifa Lockhart

:

Dear Miss Lockhart,

( _The words above get crossed out several times._ )

Dear Tifa,

( _The word ‘dear,’ looks erased and crossed over, drawn over and erased again and again._ )

Tifa,

I got your letter. I’m writing back. I got into SOLDIER… but it’s not what I thought it would be. I’m working hard. I’m still not where I need to be, so I can’t come find you.

My mom, Nibelheim, I’m… ( _the words here are so crossed out, she can’t read them_.)

…I’m sorry to keep you waiting still. I’ll come to you. I’ll come home.

Cloud 

P.S. I’ve been to Wutai. I didn’t get to see the sights. I wish I didn’t ( _more crossed out words_ ). What about you? Do you have someone now? Are you safe? I want ( _crossed out again_ ) to know everything that’s happened.

P.S.S. You don’t have to write back if you’re angry.

But please, write back.

:

Cloud,

Do you have any idea how shocked I was to see your letter? Are you really Cloud Strife, from Nibelheim? Are you that boy who made me the promise? Do you remember my parents’ names? And the games we played the summer you went away?

Sorry, I just have to make sure it’s you. I thought you were dead. Your mom, before the explosion, she told me you got into a terrible accident during training. I was so sure you had died, the way she looked… she seemed so broken.

Oddly enough, that’s why I survived the reactor’s explosion… I ran off with Master Zangan to do some training… we almost didn’t escape the blast radius.

Your Mom… I should have talked to her before she died. I’m so sorry.

Please be real.

Stay safe, stay kind,

Tifa

:

Tifa,

Your parents were named Brian and Hiroko Lockhart. My mother’s name was Claudia. We used to play tag because you’d run faster than me and catch me every time, but you went easy on me when it was my turn. I used to listen to you playing lullabies on the piano for your mother through the window. When your mom died, I went out and picked wildflowers for her grave and you were the only one who thanked me.

When we made the promise, you were wearing a blue dress. I promised that I’d come back when I become a hero so I could save you.

The military told me that you died along with my mom in the blast. I never thought to question them. I was too busy recovering from my training accident. Long story short, you really shouldn’t do training exercises with real swords until you’re actually ready.

It’s selfish but… I’m glad you survived. My mom… I’m sure she’d be too. She loved you. Always made a bit of extra pie for when you came over.

She wouldn’t want you to blame yourself, Tifa.

I’m real.

Cloud

P.S. You didn’t answer my questions last letter.

:

Dear Cloud,

It’s embarrassing but I started crying as soon as I read your letter. You don’t know how happy I am that you’re alive. All those years ago, I should have gone to Shinra’s headquarters to ask for your name. How have you been? Is the program treating you well? Are you eating enough? How long is your latest mission?

After Nibelheim, Master Zangan left me in Midgar. Don’t worry, I was fine. After Master Zangan’s training, I can punch anyone who tries to mess with me! I’m doing alright. I run a bar in Sector 7, Seventh Heaven. If you have time when you have leave, you should come visit. I make a great Cosmo Canyon (it’s my speciality) and delicious lamb stew.

I live by myself but I have my landlady Marle to keep me company. She’s a sweet older lady, reminds me of my mom. And I also have Aerith. She met me when Master Zangan left. Without her, I wouldn’t have made it in the city. Sometimes she helps run the bar with me, but her main business is flower selling. Believe it or not, Aerith just knows how to coax living things to grow even in Midgar! Her mother also bakes the best pies (nothing compared to Claudia’s, but perfection is rare.) I have yet to steal the recipe from her.

Other than that, I also babysit the sweetest little girl Marlene for a friend, Barret. He’s… a character, but a good man. He’s almost like a father ( _that word looks like it’s been crossed out and then hastily written back in_ ) to me and Aerith.

You don’t have to worry about me, Cloud. I’m surviving. How about you? Any friends or secret girlfriends I should worry about? What do you do when you’re not being a soldier now?

I’m not sure what kind of food they serve you high end soldiers out there, but I’ve attached a container of cookies. Caramel. I hope you still like them!

Stay safe, stay kind,

Tifa.

P.S. _Thank you_ for writing me back.

:

Dear Tifa,

I’m doing fine. I just patrol the Wutai border now. I don’t know how long I’ll be patrolling here. Before, my job was more classified and… different. I prefer patrolling.

The military serves us pretty standard meals. I’m not starving or anything but it’s nothing like what mom used to make.

Zack’s really the only friend that I have. He’s a First Class SOLDIER, totally different from me. I’m only Second Class and with everything that happened, well, I’m not going to be First Class any time soon either. Actually, I think your friend, Aerith, might be writing to Zack. Ask her if she knows a ‘Zack Fair’—she’s probably the new girlfriend he won’t shut up about.

I don’t have any hobbies. No time. I’m usually training or patrolling. I guess… sometimes I look up at the stars, like we used to. Do you remember the stories you used to make up about the stars? I go over them in my head sometimes, to make the time pass. I have… too much time to think.

I regret ( _these words are crossed out.)_

Tifa… about Master Zangan, did he just _leave_ you? In Midgar by yourself? How could he—( _blotted out ink_.)

Tifa, you’d tell me if there was anything wrong with your living situation, right? If you needed anything? SOLDIER pays me a lot, I’ve barely used my savings. If you need anything, just ask.

I’m glad you have people taking care of you. I’ll have to thank them. You always deserve to be surrounded by good people.

And thank you. For the cookies. They’re still my favourite.

Stay safe,

Cloud

**P.S. This is Zack, Cloud’s buddy! Just wanted to say ‘hi’ to my friend’s little lady and tell you to send. More. Cookies. Cloud wouldn’t share with me.**

P.S.S. Tifa just ignore that.

**P.S.S.S. Added this before he could seal the letter. But he’s single. Very single.**

:

Dear Cloud,

I’m so happy that you liked the cookies and I’ve attached a bigger batch so Zack can have some. As soon as Aerith heard his name, she squealed and insisted on helping. Turns out that your Zack and hers are the very same, you were right! The pink box is the batch she made for Zack (with my supervision), the blue box is for you. We also added some blankets since we know it gets cold at night over at Wutai.

Aerith is super excited that her boyfriend knows you. She might try writing Zack some questions to ask you, but don’t feel you have to answer. She’s just being Aerith and upset that I didn’t want to tell her every single detail of our past together. It’s just… hard for me to talk about Nibelheim nowadays. Do you ever talk about Nibelheim with Zack?

Honestly, I’m relieved you’re doing patrol duty. I know you told me not to, but now that I know you’re alive, I get worried. Sometimes, I dream that these letters aren’t real… that I’m writing to a ghost, that you aren’t there at all. But then I wake up and I find your letters on the table by my bed, and I know you’re out there.

I used to have nightmares, about the explosion. I still do sometimes. I used to dream that your body was there too, next to my dad’s. You’d look so young, just as I remembered when we were fourteen, and that’s how I’d know it was a dream.

Isn’t that pathetic of me? I still don’t know what you look like now. I guess you don’t know what I look like either. I wonder if you changed your haircut, I used to think it looked like a chocobo, and I wonder if you grew taller. I don’t know if you’d recognize me when you see me next.

I remember those stories. I didn’t make them up, not all the time at least. Actually, I learned them from my mom. They were myths from Wutai that mom used to tell me when she was homesick. There was one I never told you about, the tale of two lovers who angered a god and were separated forever. But because the lovers begged to see each other again, their love moved the gods, and they were allowed to see each other once a year across the sea of stars.

I always hated that story. I thought it was so unfair and cruel. If the gods really felt for the lovers, why didn’t they let the lovers stay together? Why tease them like that?

But Cloud, I think myths were just ways for our ancestors to make excuses for reality, to cope with how harsh life is. I think we’re doing our best to live and cherish each other, because anything could happen to take away the ones you loved… so we make up stories to make the hurt go away or to find other characters who have it worse than we do.

Like Master Zangan—

( _the line above is crossed out, but not enough for it for it to be unreadable.)_

Master Zangan is a good man… I just don’t think he could bear losing someone else, so he left before something bad could happen. Please don’t judge him for it. He left me with as much gil as he could and a hotel room. Then I met Aerith and she helped me figure things out. I owe her my life.

I’m glad you have a friend you can rely on. From what Aerith’s told me, Zack seems like a good person.

That’s why… I’m okay, Cloud. You don’t need to use your money on me. I’m flattered, but please take care of yourself, first. I want you to be happy and safe.

Speaking of that… I attached some wood and a small knife too. I remember you used to like doing wood carvings for your mom. Maybe you can do that when you’re caught up in your thoughts? I know all too well how dark our thoughts can become.

Stay safe, stay kind,

With love,

Tifa

P.S. I’m honestly a bit embarrassed that you remembered those stories, Cloud. I hope you don’t only recall the ones I made up. They were really cheesy compared to my mother’s. And… I realized that I haven’t told you this yet but… I’m proud of you, Cloud Strife. You’re a good man.

:

Dear Tifa,

You’re allowed to be angry at Master Zangan. You’re allowed to be disappointed, confused, or upset. You were sixteen and he left you. You might have forgiven him, but I won’t.

I dream about Nibelheim all the time. They showed me photos of the aftermath and… what they could find of my mother. I… reacted badly. I wasn’t allowed back on duty for a months. I got… into a really bad place, Tifa. So, yes. I still have nightmares too. I don’t talk about it.

When training got bad, when I wanted to quit because I had no one left, I thought about you. I… I pretended you were alive and waiting for me, so I could keep going. I remembered the story you made up about a hero who lost his memory, reuniting with his first love, and how they had to save the world from a corrupt general. The way you ended that story, with the meteor falling on the world and no way to know if the hero and his friends succeeded or not… that kept me up for nights. I’d make up alternate endings where everyone lived, where the hero was brave enough to tell his first love his true feelings. I’d pretend that you were still waiting in Nibelheim, making different versions of that story.

Tifa, maybe we do make up stories to explain why life is harsh… but I think we also tell stories to give ourselves hope. A reason for living. You taught me that.

I’m not a good man. I’ve killed so many people in this war. I didn’t come looking for you. I haven’t become strong enough to protect what really matters. You’re the amazing one. Running your own business? Still taking care of other people first? Your baking skills? You’re good, Tifa.

And I’ll spend my money how I want, thanks.

I have leave in four weeks, for the summer… in Midgar. I’d like to see you, if that’s okay.

We can see how much we’ve changed then.

Stay safe.

Always,

Cloud

P.S. I tried the wood carving. Thought of you.

[ _Attached to the letter is a wooden carving of a dolphin jumping up in the air_.]

P.S.S. Please tell Aerith to send her cookies to Zack in her own letters, thanks. Zack keeps insisting both boxes are for him. They are not.

:

Dear Cloud,

I would love to see you and I insist you come stay with me! I have a spare room for when Aerith or Barret and Marlene come over. I’ve attached my address on the back of this letter. Aerith says Zack can stay with her and Elmyra if he likes.

Thank you so much for the cute wood carving! I have it by my bedside table next to your letters. I can’t believe you remembered my favourite animal! Isn’t it crazy how I’ve still never seen a real dolphin? I hope they’re as cute as the books say. Still saving up to visit the beach one day.

And Cloud… thank you for telling me about the nightmares. I can only imagine how hard that must have been… and how hard it was to tell me. I still can’t talk about my own nightmares with anyone but you. And even then… there’s some details I just can’t talk about.

But that’s a topic for another time. Let’s focus on you and your upcoming leave! I can’t believe we’ll see each other again! I bet I’m taller than you, I’ve grown quite a bit. I’m even a bit taller than Aerith and I can throw down any guy that messes with me.

Also, when I see you, I am absolutely returning the cheque you sent me. That’s way too much money, Cloud Strife! Save it for yourself! Or for when you get married! What would your future partner think?!

Anyways, let me know if you can stay with me for the summer.

Stay safe, stay kind.

With love,

Tifa.

P.S. You’ve been through a lot, Cloud Strife, and I think it’s amazing that you’ve survived. You might not believe it, but you’re still a good man. You still try to be kind. I believe in you, even if you don’t. And… thank you, for what you said about me. I’m not sure if _I_ believe in me yet… but I’m trying.

:

Dear Tifa,

I’d love to stay. I’m back in Midgar on the 1st of July.

Zack won’t shut up about needing to impress Elmyra. Aerith’s created a monster.

I’ve never seen a dolphin either. We should go. This summer.

Also, I’m definitely taller than you.

Stay safe.

Always,

Cloud

P.S. If you give the cheque back to me, I’ll only figure out how to put it into your account later. Just keep it.

:

Dear Cloud,

It’s a date. I’ll see you at Seventh Heaven on the 1st of July.

I’ll keep the cheque (for now), only because I’ll use it for your cookie fund.

Stay safe, stay kind.

With love,

Tifa


	2. summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fandom is one of the nicest I've ever been a part of? You're all so nice??? I'm on the verge of happy tears every time you like all the silly things I write, thank you. 
> 
> I know leave probably wouldn't be 2 months long, but hey, Reeve said, "Mental Health Rights" everyone gets a long vacation yay.

** Summer **

“You’ve been wiping that glass for the past twenty minutes, Tifa, I think it’s clean now,” Aerith grins over from mopping up the bar.

“Right. Clean. Putting it away now,” Tifa moves to the cupboard, peeking up at the door. She and Aerith are the only ones left in the bar, Barret rushing out with Marlene because of a school night. ‘I’ll threaten your pretty boys tomorrow,’ he had grumbled, much to their amusement.

“He’s still not here yet. And I don’t think he’ll appear in the next ten seconds either if you keep looking at the door. It’s still early.”

“I know…” Tifa twists the cloth in her hands. “It’s just… I haven’t seen Cloud since I was fourteen. I just want to make sure he finds the right place… that he recognizes me.”

“Of course, he’ll recognize you!” Aerith walks over for a hug. “Who would forget those gorgeous eyes?”

Tifa blushes. “People change.”

She certainly has. If it weren’t for Aerith, Tifa would have kept trying to survive by fighting in underground rings for money. Tifa used to open up to people so easily, but here in Midgar, she feels muted, like she’s putting on act just to survive.

“Well, you’ve been talking to him normally over letters right? I’m sure that natural chemistry will kick in when you meet again.”

“It’s different over letters though…”

Over letters, Tifa feels she can spill her deepest secrets and fears, things she hasn’t even talked to Aerith about yet. Over letters, Tifa doesn’t feel any judging eyes or dismissive body language. She just imagines the Cloud she remembers, shy and sweet, always willing to listen… and she writes.

Aerith pokes her. “Hey. It might be awkward for the first hour or so, but trust me, you two will find your rhythm with each other soon enough.”

Tifa pokes her back. “Just where is this confidence coming from and how can I get some of it? Aren’t you nervous about meeting Zack for the first time?”

“Not really. I know I’m irresistible. The question is if _he’s_ worthy of _me_.”

“He better be.” Otherwise, Tifa has a new pair of gloves she’s been itching to try out.

“Why Miss Lockhart, I didn’t know you loved me so,” Aerith swoons with a wink.

“Why Miss Gainsborough, how could you ever doubt my devotion? Did I not swear to be by your side forever?”

The door to the bar swings open, two muscular men walking in. The one with dark hair elbows the other one, joking, “Looks like you have some competition, Cloud,” while the other ducks down his head in that familiar shy way…

Tifa’s breath leaves her. “…Cloud?”

His eyes meet hers and Tifa can’t think. Cloud’s eyes are _glowing_ , as bright as materia that Tifa only ever spies in the shops. She knows Aerith has a secret stash of restore materia, just in case she, Elmyra, or Tifa ever need it. Ever since Shinra shut down all their mako reactors and switched to alternate sources of power, materia has become rarer. But Tifa never thought that real SOLDIERs actually had eyes that glow such phosphorous blue and green.

Cloud used to be so skinny, but now he looks like he could hold his own against Barret in an arm wrestling match. His blond hair is somehow spikier than before, although a bit shorter, and he has that familiar quiet thoughtfulness in his gaze. And…

“You grew taller,” Tifa notes.

Cloud only shrugs. “Told you.”

His voice, much deeper than in their adolescence, makes Tifa’s cheeks heat up.

Calm down, she tells herself. It’s just Cloud… Cloud who she hasn’t seen in years…

“You look good. You look healthy. I’m… I’m glad,” Tifa manages to say, words leaving her. To her horror, tears begin to well up in her eyes. Nope. Stop. She’s _fine_. She’s fine! She forces herself to smile and urges the tears back. “So,” she faces the second SOLDIER, “you must be Zack.”

Said SOLDIER, Zack, isn’t even paying attention to her, stuck in some sort of starstruck lovers stare with Aerith. Doing no better, Tifa swears she hears Aerith give a besotted sigh.

A hand gently touches her shoulder. Cloud.

“…You look good too,” he murmurs.

Tifa stiffens, peeking up at Cloud to see him averting his eyes, rubbing the back of his neck just like he always does when he wants to say more but feels uncomfortable. For a moment, he doesn’t look like an intimidating SOLDIER, but the young boy who shyly left her flowers on her porch every morning because he couldn’t give them in person… the young boy who always looked pleasantly surprised when Tifa invited him to play and snuck him cookies.

And just like that… something clicks in place, something Tifa didn’t even know as missing, and she beams at him, uncaring if her eyes fill up with tears.

Alarm flickers across Cloud’s face before Tifa throws her arms around him.

“Welcome back,” she says, although Nibelheim is long gone, although the promise was a childish thing she gave up on long ago, although they’re in a completely new city that has never felt like ‘home’ to either of them.

(He’s _here_.)

She’ll apologize for getting his shirt wet later.

Slowly, his arms circle around her, warm and steady.

“…I’m back,” comes the choked-up whisper.

:

Somehow being in Cloud’s arms again feels as natural as breathing. Her words are always awkward and unsure, even when she’s in bartender-mode. She always disguises her uncertainty with a smile and the knowledge that people _need_ someone who can take care of them, but she’s never let herself truly act on her feelings. She’s slightly more eloquent with a pen, but it’s nothing compared to hearing his heartbeat, taking in his smell, his breathing, and knowing he’s _real_.

She can feel him melting into the embrace too, pulling her closer as he breathes in the scent of her hair. Cloud has always been very quiet, but his actions give away his feelings.

When they pull apart, his hands linger on her elbows and she can feel him studying her intensely, as if she’ll disappear if he blinks too long.

“…You got your ears pierced.”

Tifa wipes away her tears and smiles. “Aerith convinced me too. The earrings are from her.”

He reaches up to touch them, his fingers brushing against the bottom of her ear.

“Beautiful,” he says, but she doesn’t think he’s talking about the earrings.

Tifa suddenly feels overwhelmed by the emotion in his eyes. “I… gotta go,” she says, “to the bar. Because you’re probably thirsty. I’ve been such a rude host! You’ve travelled a long ways. What would you like?” She quickly turns around, intent on keeping her hands busy so she doesn’t have to think about what Cloud wants.

He follows her closely, taking a seat at the bar after she gives him a raised brow. In the corner, Tifa’s sure that Aerith’s already dragged Zack to the backroom for a make out session. Traitors, leaving her here to figure things out with Cloud.

“I heard you made me a cookie fund,” he says lightly, and while he’s not smiling, she can see the amusement in his eyes.

“Hey, cookies are expensive. I put a lot of labour into kneading the dough and putting just the right amount of caramel into them. A girl’s gotta get paid for her time. But yes, I do have some cookies on the menu for you, Mister Strife.”

She and Aerith spent the other night baking a whole new batch plus some stew for the boys to have.

“Can I have the whole jar?” he asks, straight-faced.

“For that, I would have to ask my co-baker, Miss Gainsborough, who has mysteriously disappeared into the backroom with your friend. Presence pending. But you can have one. Maybe two.”

He chuckles, and Tifa realizes that she missed this… The easy camaraderie, his laughs and rare smiles, the way his eyes always lit up around her…

“You know when I gave you that cheque, I was hoping you’d use it for yourself…”

“As you can see,” Tifa gestures to the upkeep of the bar, “I run a tight ship here and it’s not needed.”

His eyes soften. “I know. You’re a survivor, Tifa. But it doesn’t mean you can’t lean on me.”

Once more, Tifa feels her breath leave her at the sincerity in her eyes.

He ducks his head down. “I know you’ve done fine without me… but I… you’re the _only one left_ … I just… please let me take care of you. Even just a little. Even if you throw the money into your savings and never use it, just… please.”

Something melts inside of Tifa, a hurt buried deep down that sings under those words.

“Okay…” she reaches out to put her hand on his. “I’ll do that.” She doesn’t intend to use the cheque on herself, but if it gives Cloud peace of mind, then she’ll put it into her savings until she can pay him back.

The surprised drop of his jaw, his widened eyes, make her laugh.

“Just let me take care of you too!” Tifa understands all too well the feeling of _you’re the only one left._ She wants to cling to him and never let go of his hand, frightened that as soon as he walks out the door, he’ll only be a dream. Even if she only stays by his side as a dear friend, she’ll accept that wholeheartedly. She just wants him to keep existing, keep being real. “Now you must be starving, I think I’ve got some stew for you…”

He’s by her side in an instant. “Here, let me carry that,” he takes the bowls in her hands.

“Oh, it’s alright, you sit down…”

“It’s the least I can do,” he murmurs, going over to set up one of the tables for four.

Tifa smiles, and for once, she doesn’t feel any dead weight in it.

:

After setting up the table, Cloud knocks loudly at the storage room for Zack and Aerith to come out. It’s only after he threatens to eat their share, plus dessert, that Aerith scrambles out, cheeks rosy and pleased, and Zack stumbles out, lips bruised, well-kissed, and ever dazed.

Tifa coughs awkwardly. “Um. Dinner’s ready.”

Cloud stares at Zack, unimpressed. “ _Really?_ ”

“I’m keeping him,” Aerith proudly proclaims, looping her arm around Zack’s.

Still dazed, Zack nods in agreement.

“…Are you two going to behave during dinner?” Tifa wonders, as Aerith flutters her eyes at Zack and Zack preens under the attention.

“I make no promises,” Aerith grins. “Now, Zack Fair, this is my beloved friend Miss Tifa Lockhart. Tifa, this is my _dashing_ boyfriend!”

“It’s nice to meet the guy Aerith won’t stop talking about,” Tifa shakes his hand.

“Nice to meet the one who made all those delicious cookies. Cloud’s a lucky guy— _ow!_ What? It’s true!”

Cloud kicks him in the shin again.

“Uh, Aerith, this is Cloud,” Tifa lightly touches his shoulder. “Cloud, Aerith.”

Cloud only nods at her friend, while Aerith gives a cheerful wave.

“You have made my Tifa here very _very_ happy with this visit.”

“Aerith please stop,” if Tifa blushes anymore, she’ll combust.

“The childhood friends reunite!” she cheers. “Shall we all sit down and make a toast?”

Eager for some alcohol, Zack pulls Aerith over to the table. Smiling at the new couple’s antics, Tifa goes to follow, sitting next to Cloud. Their shoulders brush against each other and Tifa fights back the urge to blush even more.

“To new beginnings and reunions!” Aerith holds up her glass.

They all clink their glasses together and dig in.

:

The evening passes all too quickly. Cloud and Zack each have three helpings of stew, Zack saying that he’d marry the food if he could before getting poked by Aerith. Cloud keeps glancing at Tifa intently as he eats, his quiet approval speaking volumes to her about the meal.

She and Aerith learn that Zack has been in SOLDIER for several years longer than Cloud.

“I ended up training him. He looks soft, but damn can he punch! Most stubborn guy I’ve ever met.”

“Zack’s exaggerating. He beat me up in training too much.”

Neither SOLDIER mentions their time in Wutai or being deployed to other countries. They focus on light training stories, on their annoying superior officers, on missing good food and beer, on how much they have to fight the line-ups to get their mail first. Exchanging glances, Aerith and Tifa know better than to bring up dark topics. They begin sharing how they met, how Aerith took Tifa in for a while before Tifa took to bartending and teaching martial arts.

“We’ll have to go a round sometime,” Zack says with interest. “Don’t often fight a martial arts specialist.”

“I’d hardly call myself a specialist,” Tifa shakes her head. “I’m nothing compared to Master Zangan. I still have a way to go.”

“Then you better get him to step up your training!”

Tifa doesn’t reply, staring down at her cheesecake instead. “Right…” If she knew where Master Zangan was, she’d ask. But her skills are rusty compared to her fighting ring days, she doubts he’d teach her. She doubts he’d even want to see her.

“It’s getting late,” Cloud says suddenly. “We should clean up and go. Zack, help me wash dishes.”

“What, but _cake_ …!” Cloud picks up the dishes and shoves Zack towards the kitchen.

Bewildered, Tifa watches them go, hardly noticing Aerith take Cloud’s seat next to her.

“Hey, Teef… you okay?” Aerith puts her arm around her.

“I… I don’t know.” Normally Tifa doesn’t care if people mention Master Zangan. She always laughs it off, pretends that her Master is coming back to her. But seeing Cloud again brings up old memories, of the explosion, of her dad’s body, of waking up alone in a hotel room with nothing but Master Zangan’s note.

Aerith doesn’t need anymore explanations. She just holds her tight.

:

By the time Zack and Cloud finish washing dishes in the kitchen, Aerith has Tifa giggling and rolling her eyes at Aerith’s starry-eyed monologue about Zack’s muscles.

“Stop laughing! You don’t understand, Tifa, the joy of holding onto a strong guy’s arms! You need to try with Cloud.”

“Oh, no, I couldn’t.”

“But you’re into him, I know it! Don’t say you’re ‘just friends,’ because you’re not!”

Tifa doesn’t deny it… and she doesn’t accept it either.

“It’s… complicated.”

She’s too broken to love someone in a romantic relationship. Besides, Cloud’s in SOLDIER. How could anything last over such long distances? Their connection is precious to her, even more so with Nibelheim gone. She won’t ruin that.

He’s… more than a friend.

Aerith looks sad. “Tifa…”

Of course, that’s when Zack and Cloud emerge from the kitchen, Zack grinning wide and Cloud expressionless.

“Milady,” Zack bows, offering Aerith her arm. “Shall we away into the night?”

Aerith glances at Tifa, but Tifa only shoos her away. “Go on! Go introduce him to Elmyra. Let me know if he survives or if I should prepare for his funeral!”

“I’ll have you know, Lockhart, that I am very charming to all mothers. She’ll love me,” Zack jokes.

Aerith studies Tifa carefully, before she nods. “Okay.” She turns suddenly to Cloud and points an accusing finger at him. “You better take care of her, or I’ll rip your dick off! Don’t think I can’t!”

“Aerith!”

“I really will!”

Bewildered, Cloud can only nod.

Then Aerith pulls Zack outside and begins coaching him on how to impress her mother.

“I’m so sorry about that, please don’t take her seriously,” Tifa says to Cloud. “She’s just very protective even though she _knows_ I can take care of myself.”

“…Sounds like you found yourself a good friend. I’m glad.”

Though she read this sentiment in his letters, she still blushes.

“Anyways, let’s go to my apartment. It’s not a long walk. I already set up the spare room for you, I just gotta lock up.”

He waits patiently for her at the door and follows silently after she locks everything.

The bravery that Tifa felt earlier during dinner fades with the awareness that it’s just the two of them, alone, walking at night. Cloud’s close enough to take her hand, but he doesn’t, content with the silence. His warmth is so nostalgic that Tifa could open her eyes and they’d be twelve again, walking home after another night of star gazing.

Here under the plate, Tifa hardly sees any stars… she almost forgets what they look like.

“So… it’s… complicated?”

Tifa nearly trips over her feet. “How much did you hear?”

“… From all the stuff about Zack’s arms. Aerith… definitely knows what she wants.”

“Oh god,” Tifa wants to bury her face in her hands. “Again. Sorry about that.”

“So… ‘complicated.’”

Tifa looks away. “We haven’t seen each other in years… And I still… It’s just strange, being around you again. Sometimes I know how to act. And then… I don’t.”

She doesn’t think she makes any sense at all.

“Then… don’t act. Just… be you.”

Tifa looks up into his eyes. They’re luminescent in the dark, such an unfamiliar colour, and yet the emotion in them, the deep thoughtfulness that Tifa has yet to decipher, remains very much the same as the fourteen-year old that told her he had a dream.

He’s different now. And yet the same.

She wonders if he sees that in her too. She wonders how much of the old Tifa survived Nibelheim’s explosion.

“…I don’t know how,” she confesses.

He doesn’t say anything, only slowly takes her hand in his. “Is this… okay?”

She swallows, feeling how well their hands fit together, how his hand engulfs hers like a gentle embrace.

“Yeah.”

Maybe she doesn’t have to know how to be herself around him. Maybe she really can just _be_.

:

They walk hand in hand to Tifa’s apartment. Her apartment isn’t as homey as Seventh Heaven. Tifa owns very little besides the necessities. Most of her furniture is second-hand, mere decoration as Tifa rarely entertains visitors. She spends most of her time at the bar or at Aerith’s house. The only personal item Tifa has in the living room is an antique piano that Marle left for her one day.

“I know, not the most lively place, but it’s a place to sleep… and it’s clean! Come on, your room is this way,” Tifa tugs him along.

She made sure to put a vase of Aerith’s flowers in the guest bedroom, along with her softest blankets and pillows. If there is anything Tifa indulges in, it’s spending money on warm blankets.

“My room’s right across from yours so feel free to knock if you need anything. Shower’s down the hall. I have to open the bar tomorrow but I’m closing it for the rest of the week so we can catch up! Aerith and I have tons of places to show you and Zack. But feel free to relax and explore tomorrow, I have to work so…”

“Thank you,” Cloud whispers, he holds her hand tight.

He looks at her intently, waiting.

Tifa stares back. “Good night, Cloud…”

He lingers in the doorway, still holding onto her hand.

“…Good night, Tifa.”

Reluctantly, they both let go.

:

That night, Tifa doesn’t have bad dreams.

:

In the morning, Tifa walks into the kitchen, pleasantly surprised at the smell of fresh eggs and toast. There’s even a small basket of fruit on the table and some tea being brewed, the scent of jasmine (her favourite) whiffing through her nose.

“…Is that my apron?” Tifa tries not to smile.

Cloud stands over the stove, attempting not to burn the eggs, with her kitten-patterned apron on. He shrugs, cheeks pink. “There was nothing else so…”

Tifa’s smile widens. “You didn’t have to make breakfast. You’re my guest!”

“Well… I said I’d take care of you so… I went and bought some groceries. Shit,” Cloud frantically puts the slightly burnt eggs onto a plate. He glances at her apologetically. “Uh, hope that’s okay.”

Tifa swears she melts.

“Yeah… it’s… it’s more than okay, Cloud. Thank you.”

The small smile he gives her in return could get her through any day.

:

“You don’t have to come with me to work,” Tifa says for the tenth time, as they walk into Seventh Heaven.

“S’okay. I don’t mind.”

“There has to be other things you want to do in the meantime. Up top, I hear there’s a wishing fountain to look at… and there’s the memorial...”

“I’ll wait.”

“But—”

He steps forward, intertwining their hands again. “I want to see them with _you_.”

“Oh…” Tifa is going to need a new set of lungs with how often her breath leaves her around him.

He has the gall to smirk. “Yes. _Oh_.”

Tifa blushes furiously. “You—”

“Good morning!” Aerith skips into the bar, beaming like sunshine. With his arm around her, Zack looks equally as happy. The two of them could be two suns, sharing the same galaxy, too bright to look at. “Hope you two slept well and got very reacquainted!” Tifa doesn’t dare answer that without blushing. “Do you mind if Zack stays in the bar today? He can hang out with Cloud. They can be our security!”

“Well… I don’t see why not… as long as they don’t scare off our regulars…?”

“Brilliant! We’ll pay you both in free alcohol and food,” Aerith kisses Zack on the cheek. “Let’s get started!”

Helplessly, Tifa puts her hand on Cloud’s elbow. “I hope that’s alright. Honestly, you two can leave at anytime if you get bored. This is supposed to be your vacation after all…”

“No, it’s fine, I’ll do it. Not much different than patrolling.” Cloud shrugs.

Tifa feels her stomach twist.

:

The day passes quickly with a steady stream of customers. Most of Seventh Heaven’s regulars don’t bat an eye at Cloud and Zack’s intimidating presences at the door… probably because of Zack’s easy-going nature. Later in the afternoon, Barret stops by to give the shovel talk to them both, then gives them the _I’m watching you_ eyes before rushing off to work. Marlene’s babysitting duties this week lie with Elmyra, so Tifa and Aerith can show the boys Midgar for the week.

It’s odd, how seamlessly both Cloud and Zack fall into the rhythm of Seventh Heaven. Occasionally, when Aerith carries out an order that’s too big, Zack will help her. Cloud takes breaks every now and then to sweep the bar and keep an eye out for Tifa. Tifa’s always been able to manage (with a smile and a punch) the hooligans that come every now and then by herself but it’s… nice not to having to worry about that during work.

She’s not sure why she felt so nervous about this in the first place.

That is… until one of their more questionable patrons comes in with a ruckus.

Scott’s infamous in Sector 7 for having lost his wife and kids in one of the mako reactor explosions ten years ago. The tragedy made him a mean drunk who takes his temper out on the people around him. If it weren’t for his story, Tifa would have banned him from Seventh Heaven years ago… but the way he indulges in drink, to talk to his dead wife and daughter… it hurts.

(If she hadn’t met Aerith, would she be like that?)

Tonight, Scott stumbles in, swearing loudly and hissing at anyone who stares at him. Tifa sighs, signalling to Aerith that she’ll handle this. She’s one of the only people that Scott doesn’t swear at, once he learned she survived the tragic mako explosions ten years ago.

“Scott,” she chides softly, “what did I say about coming into the bar already drunk?”

He spits into his canteen and scowls. “Why’s it matter? This is a place to get wasted anyways.”

She crosses her arms, pinning him with a glare.

“…Fine,” he hands over the canteen. “I’ll just get that cranberry juice then. And some fries.”

“Good choice, Scott.” Maybe tonight will be one of the ‘better’ nights for him. Hopefully she won’t have to drag him out of the bar to calm him down.

Scott grumbles, head down against the table, when a group of patrons, too busy happily singing and stumbling together out of their seats, bumps against his foot.

In a split-second, he’s no longer rational-Scott, but roaring in their faces. “ _WHAT THE SHIT DID YOU—_ ”

“Scott!” Tifa jumps in front of her customer, his blow about to come to her chest.

A giant sword suddenly lands a shoulder away from Scott, lodged into the wall. Eerie mako-infused eyes scorch him with silent ferocity.

“ _Get out_ ,” Cloud snarls.

No one in the bar dares to move, frozen by the overwhelming _anger_ in the air.

“Get. _Out_.”

Scott stumbles over his seat, rushing out the door as if a dragon’s on his back. The rest of Tifa’s customers do the same.

Tifa gapes. From the corner of her eye, she sees Zack coming over with a frown on his face, Aerith frozen in the corner, and Cloud’s eyes are wide and livid, as if he’s not seeing her at all, but some other enemy far away… his fingers twitching to pick up his fusion sword once more…

“Cloud!” Tifa wraps herself around him, forcing her breathing to slow, to coax him to match her breathing to hers. “It’s okay, everything’s fine. You did it, he’s gone. It’s okay, you’re not there…”

His breathing slowly stutters to slow and deliberate breaths. Tifa sees Zack quietly murmuring in Aerith’s ear, herding her away into the kitchen. Then it’s just Tifa and Cloud and this unseen thing.

She closes her eyes and nests her head against his back. “Breathe with me,” she murmurs, “Everything’s going to be okay…”

She doesn’t know how long they stand there in the empty bar, but eventually Cloud slumps down, his shoulders stop shaking, and turns to look at her. “I… I’m sorry.”

Then he runs.

:

Tifa doesn’t hesitate to run after him, throwing down her apron. “Close up for me, I’ll call you tonight!” she yells to the kitchen.

“Go get him!” Aerith calls back.

Rushing out the door, Tifa spots a flash of blond around the corner and gives chase. Her feet pound on the ground, Tifa barely sees the world around her, only focusing on that flash of blond-like-sunlight.

 _Don’t go,_ she thinks, _don’t go where I can’t follow_.

She stumbles, cursing at her feet for letting her down when she needs them, head whirling around, trying to find him, please, please, please—

There, in front of her apartment, head ducked down against her door, he stands. The evening shadows make him look like a stranger, swallowed in a darkness she doesn’t know. For a second, Tifa hesitates. What right does she have to comfort him? How can she hope to understand what he’s gone through?

Then Cloud looks up, his eyes wide and vulnerable and Tifa _knows_.

She rushes over to bring him into her apartment. At first, he flinches when she comes near and Tifa nearly steps back when he tugs her back to him. His hands hover over her waist, as if unsure he’s allowed to touch, so Tifa makes the decision for him, putting her own hand around his waist and guiding him inside.

“…I shouldn’t be here…” he whispers, but he doesn’t pull away, only wraps his arm around her, close and tight.

“Well, you should. Because I asked you to be.”

He whirls her around, eyes wild and bright. “I almost hurt you. I almost hurt _him_. I wanted to. The promise, I’m not keeping it very well… I already failed you… I wasn’t there when Nibelheim—”

“And it’s a good thing you weren’t there, otherwise you’d be dead too!” Tifa cups his face in her hands. “Look at me. I’m here. I’m fine. We’re both going to be fine. You kept your promise. We’re here together, aren’t we?”

His breathing slows down as he brings his hand up to her face, brushing back her hair. “…Tifa, I’m not a good person anymore.”

Tifa knows what SOLDIERs have to do. She closes her eyes. “You’re still my Cloud though.”

His laughter is so broken.

He doesn’t let go of her all night, the two of them settled on the couch. Cloud doesn’t tell her everything but Tifa can only extrapolate the details. There’s guilt… so much guilt over innocent and enemies killed in the war, over losing his mother, over fulfilling his promise. Over and over, the promise.

“Cloud,” Tifa whispers, nestled against his arms, “I don’t know what it means to be forgiven… but I do know that our lives are dark and terribly sad. I think… you were doing what you can in a situation you couldn’t escape. The only thing you can do… is move forward. I don’t know what choices you’ll make in the future… but know that I’ll support you. I’ll be there. That’s _my_ new promise to you,” because it occurs to Tifa that her old promise was a bit cruel, the longings of a girl who just wanted her dear friend to stay, who asked a childish promise about heroes instead of saying _I want you to stay with me_ , “I promise that I’ll be by your side, supporting whatever you do. I promise that I’ll be there.”

She doesn’t deserve the way he looks at her, with awe and reverence and this tenderness she doesn’t understand.

“Okay. I promise too,” he says, even though she didn’t ask him too.

“You don’t have to do that,” she lightly scolds him. “It’s _my_ promise to you, so I can take care of you.”

“I know. But… I want to.”

She sighs against him. “Do what you want then.” As long as it makes him feel better.

Tifa falls asleep, not noticing his watchful eyes… or the soft press of his lips against her hair.

:

“Our first stop is going to be the shopping district above the plate!” Aerith dances on her feet. “You two go buy us our tram tickets up top and we’ll save you a spot in line!” Aerith orders Zack and Cloud, then escapes with Tifa on her arm.

Zack and Cloud exchange amused looks and do what she says.

“So?” Aerith whispers to Tifa, “How’s Cloud holding up?”

Tifa lets out a breath. “Better. We talked last night… he’s still dealing with it, but he’s better.”

Aerith nods, knowing not to press too much. “It’s SOLDIER, isn’t it? It’s getting to him.”

Tifa’s shoulders slump down. “Yeah… I think it is.”

Solemnly, Aerith notes, “Zack’s the same too. Cloud’s outburst last night… it really bothered him. Zack was really… tense. He didn’t sleep last night…”

Tifa had no idea. Zack seems too happy for nightmares.

“You know,” Aerith continues, “I think the pen pal system is the only thing they have to look forward to when they’re working. Isn’t that sad?”

It is, Tifa silently agrees. Even sadder, Tifa can somewhat relate. For a while, the letters were the only thing she looked forward to…

With determination, Aerith nods. “Then let’s make this the best summer of their lives. Then they’ll _have_ to come back and visit us.”

 _And maybe stay_ , she doesn’t say.

:

The tram ride up top the plates never gets boring for Tifa. Although part of her resents those up top for organizing Midgar in this way, she can’t deny the gorgeous view of the skyline and the city from the tram’s glass windows. Ever since mako reactors began malfunctioning all over Gaia, Shinra has had to rely on other ways of generating power by using electricity powered by renewable sources like wind and solar energy, making things like the tram more accessible and cheaper for those below. Things aren’t perfect, there’s still corruption with Shinra and war…

But it’s better.

Tifa doesn’t know what she would have done if Shinra kept making mako reactors, the reactors that killed her family. She really doesn’t know…

Cloud sits close to her, his body shielding her from other eyes. He has an arm settled casually against the back of her seat, like he belongs there, and Tifa’s tense shoulders relax as she leans her head back. He looks younger, bathed in real sunlight, a twitch of his lips hinting at a smile. She needs to make sure he gets more sunlight while he’s here…

For now, she’ll enjoy this.

:

Tifa and Aerith put on their best smiles, leading Zack and Cloud through all the best sites in Midgar. Though Zack and Cloud have been here before, training, Zack confessed that they only really checked out the bars for a good drink and not much else. Eagerly, Tifa points out the new green spaces, opened up to promote cleaner air, smiling at the kids running around. Aerith pulls them over to the greenhouses set up with flowers, going on rants about properly plant care until Zack tells her that when they move in together someday, they can have all the plants they want.

Needless to say, Aerith drags Zack to a private corner for yet another heavy kiss.

Tifa can only laugh, while Cloud rubs the back of his neck awkwardly.

They take Zack and Cloud to the best barbeque place up top, tucked in a little corner of Wutai-Town, and then venture to the wishing fountain, where a statue of two genderless figures stand in an embrace. People from all over the country come to this fountain, rumoured to be built by the Ancients, just to throw in their gil and wish. The view from the fountain isn’t bad, especially with the recently added greenery. It’s a popular date spot for couples and friends.

“Now, don’t tell anyone, but I honestly think this fountain works better when you offer up flowers instead, _so…_ ” Aerith pulls out some of her pressed flower bookmarks for each of them, “Go ahead and try it! And _maybe_ , this time you’ll actually make a wish, Tifa.”

Cloud stares at her curiously and Tifa rolls her eyes. “She’s just upset that I didn’t want to waste her precious flowers on a wish.”

“Hence the pressed flowers this time. I came prepared.”

“And I… didn’t really have any wishes at the time.”

Lies. Tifa has so many wishes, for Aerith’s happiness, for Marlene to grow up healthy and safe, for Barret to forgive himself, for Elmyra’s and Marle’s continued presences, for Master Zangan’s safe journey. But nothing for herself. The year that she and Aerith could afford to go up top to the wishing fountain, Tifa had still been grieving her father. She didn’t think she deserved any wishes.

But she and Aerith don’t tell Cloud that.

“Well, I’m sure _now_ you do!” Aerith winks. “So go ahead, make a wish! I’m going to show Zack the dreaming pool.”

“Of course.” Aerith loves the dreaming pool, water that can show you images of your desires… about…twenty percent of the time. Around Aerith though, it almost always works. There’s nothing Aerith loves more than visiting up top to see the fountain.

“Have fun! Stay safe!” Tifa calls after her.

Now alone with Cloud, Tifa suddenly feels shy. _Just be you_ , she tells herself, _just be_. And she holds out her hand.

Warmth in his gaze, Cloud takes her hand.

“Does Aerith make a lot of these?” Cloud asks, indicating to the dried pressed flowers tied to the bookmark.

“Yup,” Tifa says fondly, “I help her on weekends. She always feels terrible when her flowers wither, so I suggested that she should press them into bookmarks. They’re a popular buy in Sector 5 and Sector 7, some preserved beauty to look at in the dark.”

“Oh…” Cloud frowns at the flower.

Tifa laughs. “If you’re wondering what kind they are, they’re lilies. They’re symbols of reunion. Lovers would give them to each other when they were reunited…”

“…Then here.”

Tifa blinks up at him, confused by the bookmark presented to her.

“For you,” he clarifies.

“Cloud, I can’t take this. It’s for your wish and Aerith gave it to you—”

“So it’s mine to do whatever I want with. Now you’ll get two wishes.”

This _man!_ How can he say such things with a straight face and not internally combust?!

“I really don’t think that’s how it works.”

“Sure, it is.”

“I might wish for your hair to turn blue.”

“Then blue it is.”

She tries to hide her smile, it doesn’t work.

Tifa holds both pressed lily bookmarks to her chest. “What about you? What would you wish for?”

“Nothing,” he looks at the fountain, his stance calm and content. “My wish already came true.”

Tifa’s eyes widen. “What was your wish?”

He glances at her. “Seeing you.”

Oh no, she thinks, overwhelmed with all of her emotions, by the calm way Cloud says these things to her. Oh no, oh no, oh no, she is _not_ falling in love. She is _not._

She turns her head away, clenching the bookmarks tightly. “That’s cheating.”

“Really?” he huffs in amusement.

“You can’t just use a wish from long ago. You have to find a new wish now.”

“And what about you? What do you wish for?” Cloud steps closer, using his fingers to brush back her bangs just the way she likes.

“I… I don’t know…” Tifa’s head is spinning. She doesn’t know what she wants. Cloud smiling, Cloud happy, Cloud _here_ with her. “I guess I don’t have a wish either.”

“Then… let’s just toss in the flowers at the same time, and pray our future wishes come true. That works, right?”

Tifa presses her head against his shoulder, trying to hide her blush. “Sounds perfect.”

Quietly, she wishes that all of Cloud’s dreams come true.

They don’t see any magical images in the fountain, just the two of them, their reflections holding hands, but Tifa can only hope.

:

The four of them spend the rest of the day at the shopping district. Tifa and Aerith don’t buy much, saving their money for their eventual plans to move to Costa Del Sol. But Tifa does indulge Aerith in trying on clothes and trying to wheedle the guys into doing the same. Zack happily tries on anything Aerith wants, posing dramatically to her delight. Tifa only feels brave enough to put different hats on Cloud, laughing at his unimpressed face.

They leave from their next destination, a popular ice cream parlor, when Tifa sees the protest at the Mako Day Memorial. Mako Day is what the country calls the day all the Mako Reactors became unstable and just… exploded, killing so many people down below. Shinra spent millions rebuilding Midgar as fast as possible but it wasn’t the same, Tifa is told. So many small towns just wiped away… gone… and no one knows why.

Was it terrorism? If so, then how did all the reactors just explode at the same time? Was it a divine omen?

People were angry. They pointed fingers, blamed Shinra, blamed each other. Shinra was pressured into creating alternate sources of energy, instead of mako. Since then, Shinra has worked on building an image that is more planet-friendly. But still, people distrust the organization, preferring to build their own mini generators based on running circuitry than rely on Shinra’s energy and the instability of mako.

The world is so different now.

“The planet was fighting back!” The lead protestor shouts from on top of the memorial, a statue of a reactor holding up several families of people. “We were being punished by nature, for stealing from the lifestream! It was what we deserved! And now Shinra wants to return to the days of before. Those ‘renewable’ sources of energy are just cover-ups for new mako reactors that Shinra is building in secret! Stop relying on Shinra and repent before the planet swallows us up too—”

Ice fills Tifa’s veins as she drops her ice cream, the cool treat sticking to her shoes.

“Tifa—” Aerith says in alarm.

“I… I have to go,” she turns around, going anywhere, far far away from the protests, from the words that people have whispered. _They deserved it, they deserved to die, the planet told them they had to die_ —

“Tifa wait!”

She barely gets farther than the next block when Cloud catches up to her, spinning her into his arms. She shakes her head, not wanting him to see her tears, but he just whispers, “ _Tifa_ ,” in that broken, desperate way, the way he did when he found her after the fall, that Tifa just bursts into tears.

“They didn’t deserve to die!”

He stills, then tucks her in closer, his head against her neck. “No, they didn’t.”

“None of them did. Your mom, _my dad_ … I… I saw their bodies. I tried to get them out from the wreckage. Dad’s hand was just stretched out, he was _looking for me_ , maybe he could have gotten away if he hadn’t tried to look for me…”

“Tifa…”

“Maybe the reactors exploded because of the planet’s wrath. I can accept that. But I can’t accept that they deserved it. My dad, your mom, they had nothing to do with the reactors and they just… _died_. All of them gone, in one instant, and I couldn’t do _anything_.”

His grip on her is almost suffocating.

“Please tell me that Shinra isn’t building more mako reactors on the side, I don’t… I don’t think I could stand it…”

Cloud steps back, hands firm against her shoulders, so he can look her in the eye. “They’re not. I promise you, they’re not. And if they are, I’d stop them. You know I would.”

Tifa tries to smile, despite her tears. “Yeah, I know you would.” He lost just as much as her when the reactor exploded. “I just… I don’t want to lose you either.”

Not when they just found each other.

Cloud says nothing. He doesn’t promise that he’ll always be there, Tifa wouldn’t want to hear it. They both know that life can be cruel and random and good people die for no reason. Instead, he pulls her back against his chest and kisses the top of her head. He holds her until her tears stop and somehow… it’s enough.

:

When her tears stop, Cloud quietly walks her back to the tram. He used his PHS to let Zack know that Tifa was safe and that they were headed back to Sector 7 first.

The walk back is subdued and Tifa can’t help but think she ruined Cloud’s vacation. So much for trying to add sunlight into his life…

And yet he’s still here, walking by her side.

Tifa begins to chuckle, her voice still hoarse from crying. “Are you sure you want me around, Cloud? I’m… pretty broken.”

To her surprise, he switches from holding her hand to wrapping his arm around her shoulder. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” he whispers, “but I’m pretty broken too.”

Ah, Tifa closes her eyes against him. Then they’ll be broken together.

:

Aerith and Zack are waiting for them at the tram station. Immediately, Aerith throws her arms around Tifa, shooing Cloud away for some ‘Tifa time.’ Bemused, Cloud goes over to talk with Zack in low tones.

“Are you alright? Do you need anything? What can I do?” Aerith looks Tifa up and down, inspecting her face and hands for any sign of injury.

Pure affection rushes through Tifa for Aerith. “I’m fine.”

Aerith glares at her.

“Really, I am.”

Aerith glares harder.

“Okay, I’m still… a bit numb. But I’m better. Cloud and I talked about it.”

Aerith’s glare softens. “I’m glad. You need to talk about it more. I worry about you _so_ much.”

Tifa hugs her again, warm and close. “I love you.”

Aerith’s laugh soothes her heart. “I love you too, Teef. He’s good for you.”

She looks up, meeting Cloud and Zack’s worries gazes from across the tram station. “I think Zack’s good for you too.”

“Good.” Aerith pulls back. “We both deserve to heal, don’t you think?”

Tifa looks down at her feet. “Sometimes… I’m not so sure. About me, I mean. Healing. I _survived_ , Aerith, and so many people didn’t. Sometimes… I’m not so sure why I did.”

“Oh Tifa,” Aerith strokes her hair, “I don’t think we’ll ever know why Mako Day happened. Maybe it was the planet’s will, maybe it wasn’t. But tragedies happen, and look at you, you’ve grown so much because of it. You don’t need to worry about forgiveness… because there’s nothing to forgive. I’m sure your family would say the same. So just live.”

“Is it really that simple?”

Aerith wraps her arms around her. “No. I don’t think so at all. But I’m with you. We all are.”

She spends the tram ride home holding onto Aerith, not noticing Cloud’s frown on the way down…

:

That night, Tifa thinks about Aerith’s words, about healing, about wishes. She thinks of all the years she spent, silently hating herself, trying to create a home. She thinks about nightmares, about seeing her dad and Mrs. Strife’s bodies crushed against all that rubble, disfigured and ripped apart.

She tosses and turns, unable to sleep, chased by memories every time she drifts off.

 _I’m pretty broken too…_ he told her.

Doesn’t Cloud deserve to heal? Doesn’t Tifa too? If she keeps this distance between them both, what if she regrets it later? What if he gets hurt in the line of duty? What if she loses him?

Tifa stands up and marches to the door.

She’s going to go find Cloud, and then… and then…?

She hovers in front of her door for a moment and closes her eyes. “Don’t think, Lockhart, just do what feels right.”

With determination, she opens the door, only to nearly walk into Cloud standing there with his fist half raised in an attempted knock.

Cloud gapes at her, looking so boyish and young, so much like that boy who promised to return to her, that Tifa can’t help but open her door wider, gesturing for him to come in.

He stands there, conflicted for several tense breaths, before he seems to see something in her eyes, and he follows her inside.

They tiptoe across the room, connected by their hands, buried under these heavy unspoken fears until they reach the bed. Tifa scoots in, all the way to the side and guides him towards her.

Wordlessly, she lifts up the covers, and he crawls beside her, his legs settling against hers. She tries not to react to his every touch, to the way his breath hitches when she presses her arm against his. There’s some hesitation before Cloud hurriedly pulls her close, encasing her like she’s a fragile treasure, and they curl up together, warm at last.

Some things… don’t need words to heal, Tifa thinks as her eyes lower to the count of his heart. Some things don’t need words at all.


	3. fall... and the end of summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for staying with me along this journey. You've all been so lovely and made me laugh and smile with your comments. I wish you all the best! I'm going to take a break until Monday before posting a new Cloti fic, as this chapter emotionally exhausted me. Honestly, there is an unwritten Cloud POV companion fic in my head that should be titled, "Thirsty, He Wrote" because that man did not want to shut up about how thirsty he was this whole fic ahaha. Love you all!

** Fall… And the End of Summer **

That summer is the happiest that Tifa remembers being. There are moments of breakdowns, when Tifa wants to crawl inside herself and never come out, when pretending to be happy for her customers is too much, but Cloud is always there to catch her. There are moments when Cloud reacts as if he’s at war again and Tifa coaxes him back to Gaia. There are moments when both of them feel too broken to fit together, but without fail, they always go to sleep next to each other, curled up tight and warm.

Cloud keeps making breakfast for her, and he and Zack take to their ‘security’ duty at Seventh Heaven with enthusiasm, watching like hawks for any disrespectful customers. At the end of the day, Tifa makes them all dinner, and the four of them take to talking long into the night over good food.

On the weekends, Tifa and Aerith take Zack and Cloud to the street festivals, laughing and trying out different street foods and delicacies. Cloud and Zack get strangely competitive about the festival games, trying to win the most prizes that they pawn off to Aerith and Tifa (despite Tifa’s protests that she doesn’t need another stuffed chocobo toy.) Zack makes Aerith happier, if possible. If Aerith was a light in Tifa’s life before, now she’s like the sun, blazing under Zack’s love.

Tifa always turns to Cloud in those moments, rolling her eyes with him over how ridiculous their friends are. And then Cloud’s eyes will go soft and intense all at once, staring at her with this nameless thing between them, and Tifa can’t cross the threshold yet, can’t think, can’t breathe.

They stare at each other like that until they’re interrupted, never crossing that line.

:

“Let’s take a trip,” Zack decides after their first month of leave in Midgar, rolling out a map and a few pamphlets onto the countertop of Seventh Heaven.

“We always take a trip on the weekends,” Aerith hooks her arm around him.

“I mean outta the city! Let’s go to the beach! Make it an overnight trip,” he waggles his eyebrows.

“Hmm,” Aerith flutters her eyelashes up at him, “it _is_ getting hard to be alone together when my Mom is watching…”

“Then let’s go! You, me, Cloud, Lockhart! I’ve already picked out my top three favourite hotels, this one serves breakfast in bed, and _this_ one has karaoke every night, but this one gives out free cocktails after 7 pm—”

“Wait,” Tifa stops in the middle of dishwashing, Cloud drying the dishes beside her, “do you mean… a trip to Costa Del Sol?! I don’t know, the ferry alone is pretty expensive…”

She and Aerith have been saving to move out there, so Tifa doesn’t want to dip into their savings anymore than they already have. She’s definitely not touching the cheque Cloud gave her.

“Ah, that’s true…” Aerith frowns. “Maybe we can swim across or ask Barret for his friend Cid’s boat…”

That could work, Tifa mentally goes over the costs of a potential trip. If they pick a cheaper inn, and stick to free events, maybe they can make it work—

Cloud’s hand against her arm, so warm and constant, stops that flood of thoughts. “We’ll pay for it. Me and Zack.”

“Yup!” Zack puts his thumbs up. “Our treat!”

“What?! No, that’s too much, we’re fine,” Tifa insists.

“It’s not too much,” Cloud points at the mountain of dishes from all of Cloud’s and Zack’s helpings at dinner.

“Well…”

“Exactly!” Zack jumps in, his puppy eyes somehow worse that Aerith’s, “you two have cooked, provided us with a place to sleep, and shown us around Midgar for the past month nonstop. It’s the least we can do.”

“But—”

“ _Please!_ ” Zack pouts, “I really want to pamper my girl. Let Cloud pamper you too! Or Aerith will feel left out!”

Tifa fights back a smile, “I don’t think Aerith will—”

Aerith wildly shaking her head and threatening to dye Tifa’s hair pink from Zack’s arms begs to differ.

“…I guess… if Cloud doesn’t mind…”

Cloud spins her towards him, his eyes twinkling in amusement. “I don’t.”

“Then,” Tifa tries to remember to breathe, “Okay.”

Zack and Aerith cheer, hurriedly tackling the brochures. Cloud nods at Tifa and guides her towards the counter, his arm never leaving her back.

:

That night, when Cloud and Tifa lie together, Tifa’s grip balls up against Cloud’s shirt. Her throat feels heavy and clogged.

From the way Cloud breathes, slow and intentional, she knows he’s awake. His fingers flutter against the top of her shoulders, silently stroking her hair back.

“…You really don’t have to treat me to this trip,” Tifa murmurs against his chest. “It could be a Zack-and-Aerith thing, we could stay behind, do something else.” Something less expensive.

Cloud shifts over so he can face her, the moonlight kissing the top of his hair, ephemeral. He doesn’t answer her, just keeps staring at her, the shadows sculpting his face into someone unfamiliar yet familiar, someone who could take her breath away just by speaking.

“You didn’t have to take me in either.”

“That’s different.”

“Is it?” Those whispered words caress her cheek.

She swallows and tries to think, tries to speak the way she would write. “You… you’re like a miracle to me. I still can’t believe you’re here. I was being selfish, I just… want to see you every day, for as much as possible… so I can remember you’re real. That’s why… I hoped you’d stay here with me. While you’re here.”

Then she could look at him every day and _know_ , he’s alive.

His eyes don’t move from hers, a steady blue-green studying hers. He’s always watched her like that, as if she’s worth memorizing, as if he’ll miss something important if he looks away, something precious.

“Me too,” Cloud whispers, his arm reaching up to stroke her cheek, tenderly brushing back another stray lock of hair. “I’m just being selfish.”

Her heart wrings so tightly around itself that it could never pump blood again.

“…I don’t think it’s selfish,” she manages to say, her voice barely audible compared to the unspoken thing between them.

He’s so close, their breaths could touch, their lips too.

His forehead touches hers, and she sees him close his eyes. “Then you’re not selfish either.”

Tifa sucks in a breath, all of her focused on his forehead touching hers. She thinks of how happy she is to make him dinner, to have him here in her apartment, using her toothpaste, working together. These selfish little things she takes pride in, in providing for him…

He… he wants the same.

Cloud… wants to take care of her.

This fact, that she didn’t take as fact until now, even after Cloud gave her his cheque, smashes through her mind and tears at her walls.

 _Cloud wants to take care of her_.

She doesn’t know what to do with this fact, this truth.

“…No one’s really taken care of me before,” Tifa whispers. Aerith and Elmyra have. Barret has. Yet Tifa’s always paying them back by helping with their businesses or babysitting. But what Cloud wants is different, the step to something so much more. “I don’t know what you want.”

Slowly, Cloud opens his eyes again, studying her in that intent way he always has. “Just you,” he murmurs sleepily. “Always you.”

Her lips tremble. In the hush of the night, all she can focus on is the soft way his bangs fall against his face, how his eyes could melt her entire being and he wouldn’t know. They’re so close yet there’s a chasm between them that could shatter her if she takes the leap, if she reaches out to connect her lips with his.

“I… I don’t want things to change.” But they already have. So much has. Nibelheim will never return, neither will her father or Mrs. Strife, those days of stargazing together, of shy looks and touches, all gone up in a single blast…

“Then they won’t. Let’s just be us,” he whispers, just a breath away.

“Just us,” she whispers back, so much pain and _more_ welling up in her throat.

She sees the answer in his eyes, the pleading, the _is this okay_ , the _tell me when to stop_ , and she sees this sea of longing that’s overflowed since he promised her to return, since he went to soldier, since he left her with a single kiss against her hand, and she jumps in.

Her lips meet his, their fingers intertwine, and she kisses him as if she’ll never kiss him again, she kisses him like she’s relearning a language she’s forgotten, like she’s going to die at any moment, and he brings their intertwined fingers up between them and does the same.

_Will you be here when I wake up?_

_Will you still hold me in the morning?_

_Will we still be Cloud and Tifa?_

Those questions soar and sting in their every touch, as Cloud caresses her and trails kisses up her neck, as she lets herself cry out in a way no one else has ever known, as Cloud carefully presses his fingers against her skin to leave his mark, as Tifa clings to his back, as they both worship each other’s scars.

Yes. The unspoken ‘yes’ rings through the night.

:

In the morning, half caught up in the shackles of sleep and half pulled by the city lights peeking through the blinds, Tifa lies there against Cloud’s chest and their entangled limbs. She stares into the empty dark, into the hazy morning that the slums of Midgar brings. She lets the steady thump of Cloud’s heartbeat carry her anxieties away. Her heart and her body aches.

She doesn’t want to let go, to look at his eyes and see the change there. Her fingers scrunch his shirt closer together.

Cloud wakes in increments. She’s never watched him wake before, he always wakes up first, pulling the blankets snug over her shoulders before he makes breakfast. She watches as his breathing mellows out, as his lips half open and close with forgotten words, and then his eyelashes flutter open, the hint of mako glaring out.

He blinks slowly and steadily and Tifa holds her breath, unsure what to say.

Isn’t it so strange? To share the most intimate experiences with someone, to share your childhood and your grief and your body, and still not know his heart?

Then Cloud slowly smiles, like the rising of the sun, and Tifa knows they’ll be okay.

:

They don’t talk about it, only sneaking glances and smiling more. Cloud’s touches linger on her shoulder, her waist, her hand and Tifa lets herself lean into those touches after breakfast.

It’s still them.

And more.

:

“Motorcycles?!” Aerith jumps up and down in excitement when Zack leads them to the rentals they’re taking to Junon’s ferry. “When did you learn?!”

“Cloud and I took a few lessons on our last leave. I’ve never seen him so excited for anything. Well, except seeing Lockhart again,” Zack teases.

“I get excited about things,” Cloud huffs, cheeks slightly pink. Tifa pretends to look at her shoes.

“Food doesn’t count. Everyone loves food.”

“So we’re renting two bikes?” Tifa eyes both of the sleek bikes dubiously. She’s never travelled by bike before. The fear of falling, like the time she fell off the bridge in Mount Nibel, still haunts her.

“Don’t worry,” Cloud’s side is warm by hers, “I won’t let you fall.”

Tifa flushes. “Stop reading my mind.”

He only quirks his brow at her.

Between the four of them, they’ve packed light, with only enough clothes for three days and a few toiletries and a first aid kit. Aerith hops over to Zack and squeezes his back eagerly on their motorbike, saluting to Tifa as they race off.

“Race you!” Zack hollers while Aerith blows Tifa a kiss.

Narrowing his eyes, Cloud tosses Tifa her helmet and tugs her by the waist onto the bike. “We’ll see about that.”

“What, wait, Cloud,” Tifa fumbles with the helmet, hastily putting on the straps, “ _Whoa!_ ”

Cloud races off, steadily behind Zack and Aerith, and Tifa grabs on tight, afraid that she’s suffocating him with her grip. But she can feel the glee in Cloud’s form as the wind rushes through his hair and the open road lies before him. Zack’s whoops and Aerith’s cheers are nothing compared to the quiet thrill in Cloud’s body on the road.

This is a Cloud that Tifa’s never really seen, not even with her, a Cloud without any burdens or fears, just… Cloud and wherever the road takes him.

She wishes she could see the smile on his face now, unrestrained and so very Cloud.

He should look like that every day. She wants to make him that happy, that free, even for just a moment.

But soon Cloud’s leave will end… and he’ll have to return to the military.

 _No_ , she chides herself, _don’t think about that now._

Instead she closes her eyes and lets herself lean on him. They’re free, even if it’s not true.

:

Time is strange on the open road, hanging onto this person who means so much that Tifa can’t put a name on what he is to her. Eons could pass in these passing hours, a thousand lives and more, and Tifa would still be here clinging to him as tightly as gravity hugs the planet. Countless trees and mountains pass them by, but here on this bike, it’s as if Cloud and Tifa are all that exist.

Then Tifa sees it, the first hint of the ocean, a glittering bright blue line that seems to shout against the paling sky. When Master Zangan took her to Midgar, she was unconscious, so she missed her chance to see the ocean. She’s seen photos of it, in libraries and advertisements, but it’s different then seeing it. The ocean seems to stretch as far as the sky and the land, nestled with thousands of floating lights, the waves that carry sunlight in them. The ocean calls to her, like a home she never knew she had, and Tifa is so glad that the first time she gets to see it… it’s with Cloud.

He’s seen it before, she knows. On all his missions to other countries, how could he not? And yet, when she feels him slow down his bike, despite Zack overtaking him in their private race, she knows that he’s savouring this moment too, that this ocean feels different because they’re together. They found each other, and everything feels so new now that it’s _them_.

“Wow,” Tifa says.

“Yeah,” Cloud brings the bike to a stop, so they can linger a bit longer. He’s not staring at the ocean at all, just her, and Tifa can’t help but blush. “Wow.”

:

The ferry is the biggest boat Tifa’s ever seen. She never thought that ferries took vehicles too but considering the amount of delivery couriers that pass through different continents, it makes sense. Tifa can’t help but get excited at the prospect of being surrounded by endless water. She and Aerith can’t stop going up to the railings, leaning over them to stare at the depths of the water, trying to see if they can spot any fish or sharks.

Zack eventually convinces Aerith to go with him to the bow for some alone time, leaving Cloud and Tifa together.

Cloud puts his arm around Tifa’s waist as soon as they leave, leaning against her as if he’s always belonged there and Tifa tries not to think anything of it.

“It’s so different from Nibelheim,” the words slip out despite how happy she is.

Cloud’s arm pulls her closer towards him, as if that alone could fight off the memories.

“The first time I was put on a ferry, I nearly threw up.”

“What?” Tifa laughs, “Really? But you’re doing so fine now!”

“That’s because I took some medicine before I got on. And I have you to hold on to,” he says with a straight face. “I hate boats.”

“What?! Are you alright?!”

“I’m fine, can barely feel the queasiness…”

“Oh my stars,” Tifa turns in his arms to face him, lightly punching him in the shoulder. “Then why did you suggest going to Costa Del Sol? We could have done something else!”

“I promised. In my letter.”

Tifa’s cheeks puff up. Cloud and his promises, honestly. “That wasn’t a promise. It was a suggestion in a letter.”

He looks away. “I promised myself.”

Tifa tilts her head curiously.

“It was… the day I left Nibelheim. I took the train to Costa Del Sol and when I saw the ocean, I thought… I have to show her this. I have to come back and see it all again with Tifa, I have to show her everything. And then…”

His grip gets harder.

“And then I thought you were dead.”

“Oh Cloud…” Tifa brings her hands up to touch his face, the shining emotion there that makes her heart ache.

“You were… dead, or I thought you were, and all I had left of you was a photo and the last letter you wrote me where you told me off for missing your birthday and I… I kept writing letters I never sent, just to think you were _alive…_ ”

“Hey,” she whispers, putting both hands on the side of his face until his eyes are level with hers. “I’m here. We’re both here. You found me. And this time… all the letters you write, I’ll answer them all.”

Even if Cloud decides that this thing between them is just friendship, just a desperate need to feel close to the last remnants of home. Even if Cloud decides to leave her one day, if things change, she’ll be here.

He surges down to kiss her, his lips devouring hers, teeth marking against her skin, and she lets him because they need this.

They need this to be real.

:

They’re composed and tidy by the time they get off the ferry to meet up with Zack and Aerith, not a hair out of place. Tifa spent a good five minutes fretting over Cloud’s appearance and straightening back his spikes while Cloud’s hands lingered for longer than necessary on the ties of her dress. But eventually Tifa managed to jostle Cloud into behaving and _keeping his hands to himself_ so they can get off the ferry before it takes them back to Junon.

Zack and Aerith look at Cloud and Tifa with such cat-caught-the-canary grins that Tifa fears they _know_ , only for them both to quickly push them towards the inn they booked.

“Come on, let’s go, let’s go, beach, beach!” Aerith sings, “I can’t believe that we haven’t been in the water yet!”

“Wait, our bags,” Tifa yelps.

“Zack paid a guy to take them to our rooms! I love that man. Now let’s go change!”

Aerith shoves her into the room they’ll be sharing and slams the door shut. “Okay, details,” she locks the door. “And don’t deny anything, I see that hickey you tried to hide with that cute scarf! Either you hooked up with a hot sailor in the past hours or you and Cloud are _together_ now.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Tifa says quickly, covering up her neck with her scarf. So much for swimsuits. She’ll just stick to the sundress and some sandals.

Aerith narrows her eyes. “Do I need to hit him with a chair?”

“What?! No! Cloud’s been lovely! A complete gentleman!”

Aerith stares at the hickey.

“Most of the time!”

“The chair option is still open.”

“It’s just… new. We’re… figuring things out. We haven’t… we haven’t talked about it.”

They’ve spent so much time together, sleeping next to each other, holding each other, talking about everything _but_ what they are to each other.

(But does it need to be said?)

(What if Tifa is wrong?)

“Hm…” Aerith frowns. “Well… if you’re sure… But you better figure it out! We only have four weeks of summer left!”

“Yeah…” Tifa’s heart twists.

Only four weeks left.

:

Aerith and Tifa manage to cover up the hickey with some make-up and a better looking scarf. Since neither of them know how to swim, they settle for some tasteful sundresses and flip flips before heading out to meet Zack and Cloud in the lobby.

The sun, so bright, feels wonderful against her skin and Tifa can’t help but grin. The air is salty and fresh, different from the crispness of the mountains and the smog down in the slums. She forgot that the air could feel so alive.

Zack lights up when he spies Aerith, running over to spin her around in his arms. Cloud moves over to intertwine his fingers with Tifa’s. He looks lighter here, more like the boy who would eagerly wait by his window for her to open hers so they could chat.

“So… what should we do first?” Tifa asks shyly.

“Dunno,” Cloud shrugs, content to hold her hand.

“You two are boring, boo! This way to the fun!” Zack pushes them both forward, an arm around Aerith.

They walk towards the beach, this expanse of smooth sand unlike anything Tifa’s really seen before. Aerith and Zack quickly amuse themselves with running down along the beach while Cloud waits patiently as Tifa soaks her feet where the waves rock the sand. The warmth of the sand settled between her toes, the constant cool hug of the waves, all of it make her throat tight with joy.

She breathes it all in, wishing she could just fall back and just be enveloped in water.

The tight grip on her wrist keeps her from falling.

“Hey,” Cloud’s eyes hurriedly search hers. Even when he’s worried, eyes wild in desperate concern, he’s still so beautiful. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” Tifa says, “Just… really happy.” And she is, she really _is_. How often has she been able to feel this? This wave of complete happiness, not weighed down by any dark thoughts. “Thank you, Cloud.”

She’ll keep this moment in her heart, for as long as it lasts, even if it ends one day.

Cloud frowns thoughtfully, on the verge of saying something, before he merely pulls her close and presses a kiss on her hair.

Yeah, she’ll treasure this for as long as this lasts.

:

The day passes with many different beach activities but eventually Cloud guides Tifa back to the inn, paranoid that Tifa might be feeling ill despite Tifa’s protests that she’s fine.

“No, you’re not fine,” Cloud says.

“Really, I am!” Tifa laughs.

Cloud shakes his head.

“Your eyes… they look… like they’re saying goodbye…”—Tifa freezes—“even though you’re right here with me. So please…”

Tifa frowns. “Cloud, I didn’t mean—”

She doesn’t get to finish that sentence as a truck drives past them on the road, a truck with a huge advertisement painted on it. She recognizes the kanji and the bold looking soldier painted on it. The posters made after Shinra beat Wutai in the war. _Victory and Pride_ , that’s the slogan they chose. Tifa remembers staring at those posters a few years ago, sick to her stomach, wondering if her mother’s parents had been killed… wondering if she would have been too if her mother had never moved to Nibelheim.

“Pride…” Cloud repeats the word dully. “Nothing to be proud of.”

It’s her turn to grip his hand tight.

“Do you… want to leave?”

His shoulders slump down. “I… I don’t know.”

Suddenly this whole farce, spending time at the beach, being happy, feels pointless. Where could Cloud ever go to outrun what he’s done? Where can Tifa ever go to get rid of her ghosts?

Cloud holds her hands against his chest. “Can we… go home early? I’m… tired.”

“Yeah,” Tifa sends Aerith a quick message on the PHS. “Of course.”

She’d do anything to chase away his sadness. Anything at all.

:

“…You don’t have to go back with me, you know. This was your gift. You should go enjoy the rest of it with Aerith,” Cloud says when she meets him out front the inn with their things. His eyes are sunken already, as if he’s rolled around with this guilt for the past hour.

“And be a third wheel to them?” Tifa shakes her head, “No thanks. I’m sure they’ll thank us for the rooms.”

“But still… I had so much I wanted to show you—”

Tifa puts a finger to his lips. “Cloud,” she says, “it’s okay. I just want to be with you.”

He looks at her with such awe and reverence that she doesn’t deserve that Tifa has to turn away.

“I want to change,” he whispers.

Tifa glances back up in alarm.

Cloud nods, staring at her with a determined lilt. “I want to be better. Do you… think that’s possible? Can someone like me change for the better?”

She swallows back down all her own fears and anxieties, her self-doubt. “I don’t know what you did while you were in SOLDIER, Cloud, but I know that your heart wasn’t in it. I can’t judge your sins. But I can say this… you’re already better, you’ve already helped me. If you think you want to change, then you’ve already changed. You just have to keep making the right choices to get there.”

Cloud stares at her for a long time before he brings their intertwined hands forward to place a steady kiss against her knuckles, the same way he did when he left her for soldier, when he promised to be her hero. This time, whatever silent promise he has in his head… it feels different.

“Okay,” he whispers against her skin, but somehow it sounds like another promise. “I’ll try.”

A surge of affection rushes through her, and awe. She wishes she could do more, that she could change too, for the better. She wants to be able to stand next to him and be his strength.

“Let’s go somewhere together,” she says suddenly, “let’s go back to Nibelheim.”

“Wait _what_ ,” Cloud gapes at her.

“Yeah,” Tifa says, now that this stupid idea is out in the open. “We’ve still got two days of this trip left, we should go see Nibelheim. Together.”

The more she thinks on the sudden idea, the more she likes it. She hasn’t been back to Nibelheim once, and she guesses that Cloud hasn’t either. If they both go to see their parents’ graves perhaps they can find some semblance of peace. Perhaps they can start to change more easily and confront the ghosts within themselves.

Perhaps she can find the courage to name this thing between them.

Cloud, too, seems to understand after thinking on it, his brow tightening in determination. “You know what? Yeah. Let’s go. There’s an air taxi we can take, it’s only about a few hours flight to Rocket Town and then we can drive there. Next flight’s in…” Cloud checks his PHS, “ten minutes. We can make it!”

“Then let’s go!”

What a strange scene they must make, running down the street to the nearest air taxi, abandoning their rented motorbike in the streets. She hasn’t run this freely since playing tag in the forest, slowing down so Cloud could catch up. Now he’s ahead of her, his pace steady so she can be by his side, and he doesn’t look like a Soldier at all. He just looks like Cloud.

:

They both sober up when they’re in the little plane, sitting with other passengers, watching as the world becomes smaller and smaller below them, all these little houses like tiny pebbles in the sand, the people like scurrying ants doing their best. Up here, Tifa’s troubles, Mako Day, the aftermath of war, it all seems so small and insignificant. The planet is so young, uncaring of individual human concerns, just spinning around as it always does, bringing night and day without fail.

Terrifyingly beautiful.

Tifa glances at Cloud, who seems lost in the scenery. His eyes are half-lidded, half-asleep, but his mind is far away in a place she can’t reach. What memories must he be thinking of? What regrets keep haunting him?

In this small yet large world, where anything can happen, all Tifa can do is hold on to him, and hope that it’s enough.

:

Renting another bike in Rocket Town is fairly easy. Cloud drives down the road while Tifa directs him with her memorized map. The scenery that passes them by is lush green, endless plains with the mountains in the distance and forests up ahead. The sight of the mountains, once so familiar in her eyes, feels strange, like they don’t belong there, like they’re already huge grave markers where so many people died.

As they get closer and closer to the Nibelheim wreckages, they pass the small towns that have been set up around the old blast radius. Small new houses with people who moved away from Rocket Town and wanted to set up more mining and trade. Tifa wonders what stories the children that will grow up there will make up about those who died in the mountains, she wonders what ghost stories will arise.

Finally, the green begins to twist. Less lush, more twisted and jagged, vines and leaves creeping up between rubble and broken stone. High plants burying old dust.

Cloud doesn’t say anything, only parks the bike and stares.

Tifa lets him linger, soak in everything, not willing to let go of his waist.

“There used to be so many houses…” he murmurs, “I think… I think our houses used to be there,” he points to the hollow where a few trees have started to sprout.

“Yeah…” she swallows. “I think so too.”

It looks nothing like the photos, like the tragedy Tifa witnessed. When she last saw Nibelheim, so much was burning and smoking, there was just ash and dust and blood and bodies—

“Tifa?”

She startles when she feels Cloud’s hands on her face, sees him staring at her in concern.

“Ah… sorry, I spaced out.”

Cloud’s face twists into a pained expression. “We don’t have to keep going. We should go back—”

“No, no! I’m… dealing. I just need a minute.” Tifa keeps his hands on hers and takes several deep breaths. In her head, so many emotions and thoughts are screaming that she can’t sort them out at all. “I think I’m just… surprised. I thought it would all look as terrible as when I first saw it… so much death and dust… but things are _growing_. They’ve changed.”

She’s changed, even if she didn’t want to.

They both have.

“Yeah…” Cloud echoes, his eyes reflecting the same understanding, “they really have.”

:

The two of them park the bike by the outskirts of the blast radius and begin wandering around the wreckage. There’s a strange solemn air about this place where so many people have died, and yet the air is teeming with life, with little creatures that have made their homes in the rubble, with flowers blooming where the mayor’s office used to lie.

Tifa feels strange, like she shouldn’t be here. This place has moved on… she doesn’t belong here anymore, in this sacred space of death and nature. But… she has to show Cloud something. She owes it to him.

“This way,” she tugs his hand along, barely recognizing the terrain covered up in vines and wildflowers.

On the top of a little hill, near the path to Shinra Mansion and Mount Nibel, there are two grave markers still standing tall. The markers are made of scraps of burned wood from the blast and the stones that Tifa had found at the time. She had etched in the grave inscriptions herself with a piece of sharp stone and didn’t let Master Zangan help at all as she dragged what was left of her father and Mrs. Strife, and buried them herself.

Her hands had gotten so grimy and her knees bruised and ached, but Tifa never stopped until they were properly buried. Only then did she collapse, only then did she wake up in Midgar right after.

She hears Cloud’s breath stutter, his grip on hers becomes so tight it hurts, but Cloud quickly lets go with a silent apology.

“Is this…?”

“Yeah,” Tifa swallows back her emotions. “It’s where I buried your mom.”

Cloud falls to his knees, his hand reaching out to the inscription of _Claudia Strife, beloved mother and friend_ , and she watches him cry.

:

“Sorry…” he murmurs against her, after countless minutes by Mrs. Strife’s grave. “I got dirt all over your knees.”

They’ve been kneeling by the grave for ages, dirt smudged on both their clothes and limbs.

“It’s alright,” Tifa says. “I think you needed this.”

He squeezes her hand. “Yeah… I think so too.”

He turns to her father’s grave and bows before it too, before he frowns. “Wait… there’s something here…”

Tifa leans over and notices that there’s another inscription on the grave marker, something she didn’t write.

_I’m sorry I left. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to stay. -Z_

“Master Zangan,” Tifa gasps. She never thought she’d see another sign of him alive again. The marks look fresher, less worn than the inscriptions she wrote for her father.

“He was here and he couldn’t bother to come find you?” Cloud scowls.

“I think he came here out of guilt,” Tifa murmurs, tracing the words Master Zangan carved.

“Then he should come find you and apologize!”

“It’s fine,” she says about Master Zangan, and for the first time, she feels like it is. She didn’t need him, in the end. Aerith and Elmyra saved her. Marlene and Barret saved her. Marle saved her. With their every little kindness, they all saved her. And Cloud too.

“It’s _not_ ,” Cloud repeats under his breath.

“Why are you so fixated on this?” Tifa laughs.

“Because he _left_ you, when he should have stayed and taken care of you. _I_ would have stayed.”

He has to stop saying such things to her, she’ll take it the wrong way.

“Cloud…”

“I would, Tifa,” he repeats again, silently trying to tell her something more with his eyes, something that Tifa can’t quite grasp or understand yet.

Instead, all she can do is bury her face against him and murmur, “Thank you.”

He hesitates, Cloud always thinks so hard before he does anything, and then he curls up around her, the way so many others did to protect their loved ones in the blast.

“…Do you want a moment with your dad?”

She pauses. “No…” She thought she’d be sadder if she came back, she thought she’d break into pieces and never fit back together. But she’s already somewhat whole now, scarred, but whole. “I think I’m okay.”

:

They lean against each other on the air ride back to Midgar, tired and numb… but somehow a bit lighter. Cloud’s smiles come out a bit easier, and he walks a bit more like he used to. Not as guarded or hunched in, but like he’s too busy thinking about the world to put up a front. Tifa too feels lighter, like she can breathe easier, like she’s carrying a bit of her dad inside her, and things will get better.

As she watches the world pass by through the airship’s window, she thinks of the memories they’ve created so far, all the things they did together on the beach… Playing volleyball, running around in the water splashing each other, collecting seashells and feeding seagulls. It was so fun and silly and _normal._

They weren’t two soldiers or two women surviving in the slums or marked by tragedies… they were just living.

Maybe… Tifa can do that. Living, that is.

Maybe it starts with something as simple as writing a letter out of loneliness, maybe it starts by visiting old graves, maybe it’s none of that. Maybe it’s the build up. Maybe it’s simple things like getting up to run a bar and cook food for tired customers, maybe it’s seeing Marlene smile and run at her, maybe it’s Aerith pulling her along the street to buy clothes. Maybe it’s as simple as seeing the ocean for the first time with someone you love.

 _Oh no_ , Tifa thinks, _I love him_.

She buries her face in her hands, ignoring Cloud’s bewildered glance.

What terrible timing for this realization.

:

Loving someone like this is devastating and uplifting at once. The world feels brighter because Cloud is in it, but Tifa can’t help but dread the day he returns to work for Shinra. The days count down to the end of Cloud’s leave and Tifa tells herself not to burden him. She has to send him off with a smile. She’ll write to him every week about everything. It’s enough that they’re so close now.

It has to be enough.

The days up to September, Cloud becomes quieter, more thoughtful, if possible. His touches linger for longer against her and he begins kissing her against her hair when he thinks she’s sleeping. At the bar, he and Zack will retreat into a corner, silently conversing with serious expressions. Even Zack seems more subdued, studying Aerith intently, memorizing the feel of her.

“…I really don’t want them to leave,” Aerith confesses to her that evening before they close. “Can I get arrested if I kidnap Zack and hide him in my mother’s basement?”

Tifa reaches out to rub circles against Aerith’s hand. “Probably.”

Aerith’s lips twitch. “…I don’t know how I’ll go back to just writing him letters.”

Tifa doesn’t know either.

“Guess I’ll have to start writing really sexy letters then. Just to encourage him to come back.”

“Aerith!” Tifa hisses, face completely red.

“What? You know it’ll work! You’re just too shy to try it!”

“I told you, it’s _complicated!_ ”

“Kettle meet black.”

Tifa chases Aerith with the dish washing sponge.

:

The night before Cloud’s train leaves, he and Tifa lie together. Tifa curls up against his chest, trying to will herself to remember the feeling of his arms, the sound of his breathing.

“…I’ll write you every week,” she murmurs. She’d say ‘every day’, but she has to be realistic with the time constraints of her job.

He curls tighter around her. “Mm.”

“…And I’ll send you cookies.”

He huffs against her in amusement.

“…And…” she says, eyes drifting close, “maybe you can visit next winter break…”

He doesn’t reply.

She tries not to let that hurt, remembers that they haven’t labelled themselves as anything, not like Zack and Aerith. They’re just Cloud and Tifa, clinging onto the last connection of their pasts, whatever they are to each other, Tifa can’t name it.

“Sorry,” she murmurs, eyes too heavy to open.

The last thing she remembers before she drifts off to sleep, is Cloud adjusting his hold on her, his fingers caressing her hair, and a murmur of, “Don’t be.”

:

Tifa has never hated the train so much before. Off to the side, Aerith gives a tearful goodbye to Zack, clinging to his neck. Tifa and Cloud make sure to give them a wide berth for privacy, moving to the other side of the platform.

Forcing a smile on, Tifa offers a bag full of blankets and snacks. “For the trip. And a secret snack stash. So you remember me.”

Gently, Cloud takes the bag, focusing more on her than anything else happening on the platform.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

They stare at each other, Cloud’s frown deepening on his face.

The train’s horn blows, two more minutes till boarding. Tifa swallows back her fear, her insecurity, and cheerfully says, “Well, better find a good seat on the train. I wonder if Zack and Aerith are done yet…”

“Tifa,” the next thing she knows, Cloud has both hands on hers. “Wait.”

She stares up at him, eyes wide.

“I…” he frowns again, steps closer. “I don’t want this to be just a summer fling.”

Tifa’s brain nearly stops working. “Cloud—”

“I want us to be _more_. I want to go home to you, every time I have leave. But I don’t want you to just wait for me, for empty promises. After this season, I’m going to quit SOLDIER, open up my own delivery service, volunteer to help rebuild Wutai, save up for a place in the sun, and then, if you want, I…” he swallows, and pulls out a ring, “I’d be honoured if you’d wear this.”

Tifa’s mouth goes dry. All thoughts gone. “Is… is this…?”

He tenderly opens her hand and places the silver ring in the palm of her hand, then closes her fingers over it.

The train’s whistle blows once more.

“Cloud!” Zack calls out, already in the door. “Come on!”

Aerith stands in the platform, eyes shining, a new ribbon in her hair, a new star pendant hanging around her neck.

Cloud scowls at him, then turns to Tifa. “You… you don’t have to answer me just yet. I know it’s really sudden and _fast_ and maybe stupid, but _I want to be by your side_. So just… think about it. I…”

“ _Hurry up!_ ” Zack hollers.

With a tsk, Cloud quickly places a kiss by Tifa’s lips. For a second, the world stops, everything zeroing in on the warmth of his lips on hers… And then he steps away, though everything in him silently broadcasts for _more_.

“I love you,” his voice cracks as he says it, and before Tifa can say anything, respond back, he jumps onto the train as it begins to leave.

Tifa stands there, dazed, for a very long time.

:

The letter doesn’t come in for Cloud for two whole weeks and when it does, he opens it with trembling fingers. Will she reject him? Will she ask him to wait a little longer? Was it too soon? Did he read her wrong?

He’s lived every day since Nibelheim was destroyed, living on _what-if_ s. What if he had never left Nibelheim? What if he had stayed and somehow saved his mother and Tifa before they died? What if he had reached out to her sooner, invited her to visit him on his leave, and miraculously that leave would be during the day of the explosion?

When he received her letter so many months ago, read her name, saw that familiar handwriting, he knew that he couldn’t let her go. Not again, even if his hands are stained with blood, he can’t let this chance escape him, even if he should let her go.

He almost doesn’t look.

When he does, he can’t stop smiling, not for the whole week and Zack swears Cloud looks possessed.

:

 _Dear Cloud_ , the letter says.

_I do._

_Love,_

_Tifa_

** Winter **

_You are cordially invited to the wedding celebration of Cloud Strife and Tifa Lockhart to be held on the first day of spring, next year. Formal invitation to follow._

** Spring. And Many More to Come. **

**Author's Note:**

> Cover Art for this fic is [here](https://youlighttheskyart.tumblr.com/post/617329438301061120/cover-art-for-my-fanfiction-longing-she-wrote)
> 
> Always happy to get prompts at my [twitter](https://twitter.com/youlightthesky1), my [writing tumblr](http://youlighttheskyfanfiction.tumblr.com/), or my [art tumblr](https://youlighttheskyart.tumblr.com/) I also have a [ pillowfort ](https://www.pillowfort.social/youlighttheskyfanfiction) now where I will put more reflections on my teaching and writing. Aka, what my writing tumblr should have been ahaha


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